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Sep. 29th, 2009

I'm listening to a cover of Harvest Moon by Of Montreal. It's sorta dream-like.

I hate my job and I hate where I live. I have made a two month action plan to address both of these issues and I have found the perfect out. It includes moving to a town of 600 in rural Sask and taking over a coffee shop / art store for 1.5 years. Nothing is finalized but I actually feel inspired for the first time in awhile. The best thing about this place is that it's also a venue where bands such as Julie D, Wind Whistles, Octoberman, etc etc etc have played. The place is an old grocery store which consists of a store front upfront and then a cute retro living space in the back.

more to come...

I found an interesting list of questions on the internet.
I'll post all 75 of them in increments of 10 and then 5.

1. Why not me?

2. Am I nice?

3. Am I doing what I really want to do?

4. What am I grateful for?

5. What’s missing in my life?

6. Am I honest?

7. Do I listen to others?

8. Do I work hard?

9. Do I help others?

10. What do I need to change about myself?

These questions pretty much set you up to fail, but gives you good perspective on yourself.

I haven't seen my jr. high school boyfriend since highschool, which is about 8 years. I'm back visiting my parents in small town B.C, and his band came through and played a show at a local pub.

I am in love with him.

When we dated we were on and off again, but nothing overally dramatic. We both have always kinda liked each other and left it at that. There was no real break up, there was no official boyfriend  & girlfriend. We have always just kinda got along and enjoyed spending time with one another. We have a history. We write each other Xmas cards and talk on the internet, but have failed at carrying out the plans to see each other. Until tonight.
I made him a burnt cd, we did a lot of hugging, talking.

He has always known that I have always been really interested.

He has had a girlfriend for the past few years.
He lives like a 40 hour drive away.

But there was still an undeniable connection tonight.
We made plans to go to our highschool reunion together.

I should just wait till then...

I smoked a joint before writing this
on top of the four beers I drank.
Everytime I post this and read it,
I see grammar or / and spelling errors.

Jul. 29th, 2009

I'm having anxiety about the racoons that watch me through the sliding door in the guest room I'm staying in. This garbage strike must be heaven for these creatures. Apparently, they are getting really confident and are now clawing feet through the spaces between the boards on the deck.
I am super stressed right now.

I forgot / neglected to pay my cell phone bill and they cut it off. It's not that big of a deal to put the money I owe on my credit card, but I'm already stressed about my increasing balance.

I am totally dedicating this year to making more money and getting my finances & paperwork sorted out.
I didn't mention anything to my parents about my stresses. Today, my mom told me she would give me up to 1,000 towards taking some courses this fall. I am going to take those film courses I need to get an internship. I'm also going to update my first aid, take my crisis intervention worker certificate, and then take a course on aboriginal awareness.
If I can't find anything in Saskatoon that pays over $16 an hour, I'll go work for my sister in Red Deer and make $18 an hour.
I have already gone to school for 5 years and have a certificate in business, a diploma in holistic health and half of a bachelor of arts.

I leave for the east tomorrow morning.
I'm going to be up late tonight getting ready.

Jul. 21st, 2009

When I was in highschool, the town I grew up in almost burnt down from a forest fire. My house was especially threatened because it was at the base of the mountain. A couple years later, I was living in Kelowna during my first year of University and was almost evacuated again.

I've been watching footage of all the fires in BC tonight and it's really intense.

We had a few days of being on evacuation alert before we were actually evacuated. My mom packed the suburban and my sister drove my grandma's station wagon filled with photos and other sentiments. I packed up my hamster and had to make the hard choice of letting my pet frog go in a pond. I filled a garbage bag full of clothes and a few favourite books and we left town. My dad decided to stay behind and watch the house. He hosed down the roof of the house from floating sticks and other debris that were on fire. He watched the house and made sure no one robbed it. I think he had to even sign a waiver indicating that he chose to stay and they wouldn't be liable if he also burned.
We were lucky. Everyone believed the whole town was going to burn. They had machines ready to dig trenches in neighbourhoods. They had plans which houses they would burn down to save others.
Apparently, the direction of the wind changed completely. And so the fire pretty much put itself out. People still talk about this and refer to it as a miracle.

I think only like 100 people lost their houses during that fire because it hit mostly farm land.

The air during a forest fire is horrible. It's like breathing in campfire air all the time.
Lots of wild animals run from the mountains and seek refuge in town.

Words never describe feelings accurately.

I've gained 5 lbs since beginning my summer long vacation.
I've seen 5 bears since beginning my summer long vacation.

They are not really related.
Bears don't make me drink beer.

The next 5 days are going to be sober days.

I just spent the last six days in BC.

For two of those days I was under the influence of this HASH pill I was given. I was told that it was equal to one-two pot brownies. I have never been so stoned in my life. I was more / as stoned as taking 4 grams of mushrooms. I couldn't speak, move my body, or open my eyes. It was horrible, but so much fun.

I still feel brain dead. We started our journey at 9 am this morning and I got back in Saskatchewan just after 1 this morning.

check it out


I hung out with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up less than two years ago. We hang out about once every four months. We still have a bit of chemistry and history, but hanging out is getting less weird with more time. He is a nice guy, allright looking, with a realistic view on life. If I wanted to settle in life I would marry him and probably be a bit less than content. I don't have too many mean things to say about him and I have a couple really GOOD things to say about him (ha,ha).
I'd rate our old relationship about a 6.8/10.

We always seem to hang out when it's raining.


I'm about to bust out my manifestation skills.
I need at least $500 more for my trip.

I've been stressing out about this instead of looking for solutions.

First Solution, make a visual:

Second Solution, identify / brainstorm your resources:
- use my airmiles to buy gas vouchers = $40 worth of fuel
- finish reading book for work for a bonus = $50
- call government for gst cheque = $100
- bring back green from BC and keep a profit = $50
I'm half way there!
Third Solution, create and then repeat affirmations:
I have an abundance of cash for my trip.
I have successfully created an additional $500 for my trip.
(these probably need tweeking).

In all reality, I'm hoping to score at least $100 from my parents to go towards gas. They are usually pretty good about giving me some cash for my travel costs since I drive about 15 hours each way to visit them. I also have a few collectibles to give / trade my parents for cash. I'm also taking inventory on what I could sell on kijiji. I haven't received any money for the accident I was in either. I should be getting about 3-4 days of paid work. I just haven't filled out the paperwork! ekk! I'm working on that right now. I just found one of the two paystubs I need.

I should mention, I've been manifesting things since I was a kid. One of the best lessons my mom has ever taught me was "ask and it will be given". She told me if I wanted anything to ask for it outloud and then check the thrift store because it will be there.

It's hard saving money in general. What sucks is having to still pay for all your bills even though you aren't going to be around for two months.

I have
4 more shifts at my one job
1 more shift at my other job


holy shit, did you catch that belief above????

"it's hard saving money in general".

fuck, i need to write that out of my system.

I save money with ease.
I save money with ease.
I save money with ease.
I save money with ease.



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